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I was hanging out on my front deck, when I looked over and saw this little idiot staring right at me.
I thought he was dead, but then I saw him flinch when a hornet bit his hand. His head was definitely stuck. I called Animal Control and they said that opossums do this kind of numbskull thing all the time, and that he would probably free himself by the end of the night. But the next day…
NOPE. His little opossum hand was all bloodied up from scrabbling all night. He was still really wedged in there.
As cool as it would’ve been to have an opossum skeleton hanging from the tree, I wouldn’t relish the smell, so me and my friend went out to free him. My friend managed to pry the tree apart enough and shove his head up and out. The little bugger gracefully flopped onto the ground like a sack of crap. We got a bucket and hooked him up with the choicest catfood and tapwater. Through the cloud of flies that had swarmed around him, we dubbed him Rainbow Kisses.
After a pissweak attempt to get him adopted…
we set him free, to go try to commit suicide somewhere else.
Godspeed, you noble beast.